DEAR HARRIETTE: On account of some latest monetary struggles, I’m going to have to maneuver in with my brother briefly.
Whereas I’m grateful that he’s keen to assist me out, I’m actually anxious about the way it’s going to go.
The largest challenge is that his spouse isn’t thrilled concerning the thought of me residing with them. We’ve had a rocky relationship, and I do know she’s going together with this solely as a result of my brother insisted.
The principle supply of pressure is that she’s very specific about her dwelling. She has a little bit of an obsessive-compulsive streak in terms of cleanliness and group, and even the smallest issues being misplaced can set her off. I do know I’ll have to be additional aware, however I’m apprehensive that regardless of how cautious I’m, there’s an opportunity I’ll slip up and find yourself upsetting her.
I don’t wish to add to the stress of their family or make issues tougher for my brother, however I additionally wish to really feel considerably snug in what will probably be my short-term dwelling.
How can I navigate this example in order that I respect her boundaries and maintain the peace?
— OCD
DEAR OCD: Communicate to your sister-in-law. Inform her you’ll do your finest to honor the foundations of her dwelling.
Don’t depart objects of yours out anyplace within the dwelling. Be sure you maintain your room tidy as properly. Apologize should you upset her. It’s her home.
In the meantime, save your cash and get out as quickly as doable. It’s finest that you just keep away from getting too snug, as a result of you’ll want to do not forget that this association is short-term.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a very robust spot with my two finest associates. Just lately, that they had an enormous falling-out over one thing fairly severe, and it’s escalated to the purpose the place they’re not talking to one another.
They’ve every been confiding in me about their facet of the story, and whereas I’ve been making an attempt my finest to hear and be supportive, it looks like they’re every anticipating me to take sides.
The issue is, I care about each of them deeply, and I don’t wish to lose both friendship.
I really feel like if I lean an excessive amount of towards one pal, the opposite will really feel betrayed, and I might find yourself caught in the midst of their drama. I hate the thought of being compelled to decide on between them or having to tackle the function of mediator.
On high of this, it’s changing into exhausting to consistently hear them vent about one another.
I don’t wish to appear unsupportive by asking them to cease, however I additionally don’t wish to get dragged into their battle or let it have an effect on my very own psychological well being.
How can I preserve my relationships with each of them with out getting pulled into their points?
— Pal Chasm
DEAR FRIEND CHASM: The very best factor you are able to do is cease speaking to every of them concerning the different.
Draw a line, and inform them how a lot you like them and wish to stay associates with each of them. You’re so sorry that they’re preventing proper now, however you don’t want to take sides or have to decide on between them.
As soon as the boundary is obvious, cease partaking both of them on this subject. Hopefully, it is possible for you to to keep up each friendships. Higher but, it is going to be superb if the 2 of them would rekindle their relationship.
Within the meantime, the best way you’ll be able to defend your self is to disengage from any dialog about their points.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You’ll be able to ship questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
