DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I host an annual vacation dinner for a gaggle of neighbors, one among whom has requested previously if he might carry a visitor. My spouse, on our behalf, has at all times mentioned sure.
Sadly, the visitor is normally the neighbor’s on-again/off-again boyfriend, who’s greatest described as obnoxious. Throughout dinner, our neighbor ceaselessly smirks condescendingly at his plus-one and winks at the remainder of us. Ugh.
This neighbor accepted the invitation to dinner this yr. My spouse says the well mannered factor for her to do is to anticipate his request by telling him he can carry a visitor. I say we should always maintain quiet to see if he asks.
Do the principles of etiquette come down on my spouse’s aspect?
GENTLE READER: They don’t — till the boyfriend turns into the husband, a neighbor or each. Ready for the neighbor to ask for a second invitation is each wise and permissible.
Ought to the boyfriend certainly be promoted, Miss Manners hopes it is going to not less than reduce the probability of the now-husband mistreating you or one among your different company: It will strengthen his place to the purpose that he may begin objecting to the smirking and the condescension of his accomplice. However one downside at a time.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take part with a small group that does what we will to help a small neighborhood different highschool. Lots of the college students on the college are low-income.
I’ve been spending a good quantity of my very own sources, together with my time, soliciting donations of meals and college provides for lecturers and college students. I’m guessing I’ve picked up and dropped off over $2,000 price of donations.
I’ve been glad to do it, as a result of I see the necessity and it feels good with the ability to assist out.
I’ve all of a sudden seen that I’ve by no means obtained a phrase of thanks from anybody on the college. In a single case, I obtained a much-needed $400 merchandise donated to the auto store program, however the instructor didn’t even acknowledge it.
I really feel horrible saying this, as a result of the youngsters have wants. However now that I’ve grow to be conscious of it, I’m feeling much less beneficiant. How can I recover from this?
GENTLE READER: The emotional reply to that’s out of Miss Manners’ space of experience — actually there may be advantage in doing good deeds with out acknowledgment.
However for these hoping to be on the receiving finish, she notes that expressing gratitude additionally was once thought of virtuous — to not point out widespread sense.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We obtained an internet invitation to my relative’s seventieth birthday: a shock dinner and music at a pleasant restaurant.
Included within the invite is a “suggested donation” quantity of $50, with the donation going in direction of a trip fund.
If that wasn’t odd sufficient (these kinfolk are well-off), in addition they steered that if we “feel generous,” we will add an 18% gratuity. A gratuity for what?
This feels a bit like a shakedown.
GENTLE READER: Solely a bit?
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
