DEAR ABBY: I’m a homosexual man who has been having an affair with a married man for the final three years. He and his spouse have been separated for a yr; neither has filed for divorce.
I do know he needs a future with me, however I’m unsure if he’s courageous sufficient to take the following step.
His spouse continues to be “praying the gay away” and nonetheless thinks the wedding can work. She sends him biblical verses and worship songs recurrently.
He has at all times been homosexual, however due to how he was raised and his spiritual upbringing, he felt he needed to reside a pretend life.
Though his household isn’t accepting, my household is, they usually have met him.
My query is, how lengthy do I wait? I don’t need to waste my life away ready on another person to find out my future.
— CINDERFELLA IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CINDERFELLA: You acknowledged that your lover is separated from his spouse. One would assume that after a yr on his personal he would have change into extra snug about his sexual orientation.
The time has come to inform him that until he’s keen to hunt counseling from a licensed therapist who may also help him determine who he’s and who he needs to be, you’ll have to transfer on.
Dwelling in limbo the way in which you might be is unhealthy for you and HIM. I hope your subsequent relationship, if there must be one, shall be with an out homosexual man who’s unattached and obtainable.
DEAR ABBY: My brother died of most cancers a yr in the past. Throughout his total 50-year marriage, I felt unhealthy about the way in which his spouse handled him.
She snapped at him and bit his head off from the time they had been first married till his loss of life, even whereas he was dying. By no means as soon as did I hear him converse harshly in return.
I saved my mouth shut as a result of I didn’t need to make issues worse for him. He was an easygoing, heat, enjoyable one that was cherished by many all through his life.
Now that he’s gone, I’d actually like to talk my piece to my sister-in-law. I believe it might assist me heal to lastly say what wanted to be mentioned however I by no means might. I don’t care that it would finish my relationship together with her.
There are two now-adult youngsters, one among whom I’m very near. Your ideas?
— CONFLICTED IN IOWA
DEAR CONFLICTED: In the event you do what you might be considering, it would doubtless finish your relationship with at the least one among your brother’s youngsters.
Earlier than approaching your brother’s widow, have a dialogue with the grownup little one with whom you might be shut. Clarify how watching your brother be verbally abused by his spouse, even on his deathbed, made you’re feeling. Say you don’t want to lose the shut relationship you take pleasure in with him/her, however that now, for the sake of your individual therapeutic from the lack of your brother, you lastly intend to air these emotions to their mom.
Since you don’t plan to have something extra to do with the lady, you possibly can converse your thoughts.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
