DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is a heavy smoker and has been for so long as I can keep in mind.
After I was rising up, he used to smoke inside the home continually. I keep in mind the scent being in every single place– in my garments, within the partitions, even in my toys. I developed some well being points that I imagine have been tied to all that secondhand smoke publicity, and it’s one thing I’ve carried with me into maturity.
I’ve two younger youngsters, ages 2 and 6, and I’m protecting of their well being. I’ve made it clear to my dad that I don’t need him smoking round my children.
He doesn’t smoke inside the home when he visits, however each time we’re exterior collectively — like within the yard, at a park or simply strolling round — he lights up with out considering twice. I’ve reminded him a number of occasions, however he both brushes it off or says issues like, “We’re outside, it’s fine,” or “One puff isn’t going to hurt them.”
It’s past irritating. How can I get by means of to him in a approach that doesn’t really feel like an assault however nonetheless makes it clear that that is non-negotiable for me?
— Cease Smoking
DEAR STOP SMOKING: Now’s the time to be direct and agency. Inform your father that if he continues to smoke round your youngsters, he’s not welcome to come back over.
Present him information relating to the unfavorable impression of secondhand smoke on others, and inform him that as a lot as you like him, you might be unwilling to topic your youngsters to what you needed to endure your entire life.
You aren’t overreacting; the unfavorable impacts of secondhand smoke are vital. Suppose coronary coronary heart illness, stroke, lung most cancers and antagonistic reproductive well being results in ladies, in addition to sudden toddler loss of life syndrome, respiratory infections, ear infections and bronchial asthma assaults in youngsters. For extra info, go to cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/well being.html.
DEAR HARRIETTE: An in depth good friend of mine can be celebrating a milestone birthday in about two months.
We’ve been associates for practically 15 years, and he or she has at all times made it her obligation to be there for me — particularly for particular events. We haven’t lived in the identical metropolis for eight years, so it means the world to me that she’s at all times supporting me.
For her birthday this yr she’s taking a visit to the Caribbean. I received’t be capable of be part of as a consequence of monetary constraints, however I nonetheless need to rejoice her. Do you will have any distinctive and inexpensive recommendations for making a liked one really feel particular when you possibly can’t be current with them?
— Lengthy-Distance Birthday
DEAR LONG-DISTANCE BIRTHDAY: Make her a birthday video telling her highlights of your friendship and the way a lot you recognize her. If you understand her different associates, invite them to submit birthday messages and create a compilation that you just share along with her. Coordinate with somebody who’s going on the journey to have it performed for her throughout one of many celebratory moments.
If you understand the place’s she’s staying, you can name forward and have the entrance desk ship a bottle of champagne or bouquet of flowers that she will get pleasure from on the journey.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
