DEAR MISS MANNERS: My pal and I each have child ladies. Hers is 6 months previous, and mine is 3 months.
My pal gave me a complete bunch of her little lady’s garments — such a excessive quantity of things that some nonetheless had the tags on.
She started providing me these garments earlier than I’d even had my child; I initially refused, a number of occasions, as a result of I used to be positive that we might have a boy.
She dropped them off anyway, with out asking, and mentioned, “Give them away if you don’t want them.” She additionally insisted a number of occasions that I let her know after we wanted the subsequent measurement up.
I ended up having a lady, and since I had these garments, I didn’t purchase very a lot for her.
Just lately, my pal advised me that her greatest pal was offended that she wasn’t given these hand-me-downs as an alternative of me. (Her pal hopes to be pregnant quickly, however will not be but.) Then she advised me to present the garments to her pal after we are accomplished with them.
I hoped to carry on to all the garments as a result of we plan on having extra youngsters. I additionally requested her for the subsequent measurement up, as she had insisted, however was met with a really totally different response — as if I used to be begging for handouts that rightfully belonged to another person.
The entire state of affairs has made me very uncomfortable, as if I’ve no proper to the garments I’ve been dressing my little one in since she was born.
I’ve now given the entire garments to this individual I don’t know; she was very terse with me, furthering my impression. I’m truthfully fairly offended, and really feel like I can’t be mates with the primary girl anymore.
I’m completely able to buying garments for my very own youngsters, however I had come to rely upon those she had insisted on giving me. Now my daughter’s closet is empty, and I missed the entire seasonal gross sales, so I’m having to order every little thing full-price.
Is my pal being cheap? Was this a traditional request? Do I’ve any proper to clothes that’s given to me free and clear, not less than initially?
GENTLE READER: No, no and no.
That’s: No, your pal didn’t behave moderately in pushing garments on you, ignoring your well mannered refusals after which, whenever you had come to depend on them, altering her thoughts — going as far as to make you’re feeling unhealthy for having accepted. And no, it was not regular to pile on calls for about what occurred to the garments after you have been in receipt.
As to your third query, Miss Manners is admittedly undecided which garments you seek advice from. She assumes we’re speaking about garments promised, however not but truly in hand. In that case, no: You can’t realistically implement the promise of a future present — you possibly can solely let the friendship go chilly.
At this level, that appears the cheap factor to do.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
