DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend lately proposed to me, and to my shock, I mentioned no.
It wasn’t as a result of I don’t love him or as a result of I don’t need to marry him; I completely see a future with him. When the second occurred, although, I froze and mentioned no.
I had all the time dreamed of a particular, considerate and romantic proposal — one thing that mirrored the love and connection we share. As an alternative, it felt rushed and unplanned, nearly as if he hadn’t put a lot thought into it.
He didn’t actually have a ring. Whereas I do know that materials issues aren’t crucial half, it felt symbolic of the shortage of effort.
We had been simply sitting on the sofa when he casually requested me, and I couldn’t assist however really feel disenchanted in how unremarkable it was.
I’m apprehensive that I harm his emotions or made him query our relationship. He hasn’t mentioned a lot about it since, however I can inform he feels rejected.
I need to marry him, however I additionally need to really feel like that second is as significant and particular as our relationship.
I don’t need him to assume that my “no” means I don’t care about him or our future collectively.
— Will I Marry Him?
DEAR WILL I MARRY HIM? There isn’t a approach your boyfriend will be capable of determine why you mentioned no until you inform him.
Begin by saying that you just do need to construct a life with him, however you had been caught off guard by the informal approach by which he requested you to marry him. Inform him how you’ve imagined a wedding proposal and the way his overture appeared unplanned and nonchalant.
Know, too, that individuals have totally different views of what a wedding proposal ought to appear to be; that doesn’t essentially have something to do with what the wedding shall be like over time.
You two must get on the identical web page. Inform him how you’re feeling, and clarify what you respect when it comes to particular occasions. In order for you romance, ensure that he understands what that appears like.
DEAR HARRIETTE: After passing the ultimate interview at one of many largest corporations in the US, I’ve been fighting impostor syndrome.
Though I used to be chosen for this function due to my expertise and abilities, I can’t shake the sensation that I’m not adequate. I fear about making errors or being “found out.”
To handle this, I’m attempting to deal with small wins — like finishing duties forward of schedule or receiving constructive suggestions from my group. I’m additionally reminding myself that nobody is ideal and everybody has a studying curve.
That mentioned, I’ve observed that my boss sometimes will get irritated when sure features of my work fall quick, particularly as he’s counting on me to hold ahead an necessary undertaking. This has added to my self-doubt, however I’m decided to enhance.
Any recommendation can be an ideal assist.
— Impostor Syndrome
DEAR IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: Give your self a timeline to be taught new duties and construct a rapport together with your boss. When issues don’t go proper, be the primary to confess it, and ask for steering that can assist you perceive your errors.
Everybody messes up now and again. An indication that you’re succesful and studying is that you just pay shut consideration and determine how to not make the identical mistake twice.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
