DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I grew to become lovers at an early age.
At first, his mother was strongly in opposition to our relationship, believing we have been too younger and nonetheless had college to complete. Regardless of her disapproval, we continued seeing one another, pondering our love could be sufficient.
Not too long ago, I came upon that I’m pregnant. We have been shocked by the information, and his mother was livid. Now we don’t know what to do subsequent.
We’re uncertain whether or not we will keep at his mother’s home, and we surprise if we should always separate.
Ought to we attempt to make issues work underneath troublesome circumstances, or is it time for us to dwell independently and determine issues out on our personal?
— Younger and Pregnant
DEAR YOUNG AND PREGNANT: Now could be the time so that you can keep collectively and determine what you will do.
Will you retain the child or put it up for adoption? These are powerful questions that you must make collectively — most likely together with your mother and father’ enter, since they are going to in the end have to assist in the event you preserve the child.
Now could be the time to develop up and behave like adults.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 60-year-old mom of two grownup sons, ages 38 and 32. Each of them are fully depending on my husband and me for monetary assist.
My husband and I’ve all the time been comparatively well-off, and we by no means hesitated to offer them with all the things they wanted and needed as they grew up. I felt it was a solution to present our love and assist, however now I worry we could have enabled them to the purpose that it’s affecting their potential to face on their very own two toes.
At present, each sons are unemployed, and so they appear to depend on us for almost all their bills, from hire to payments — even spending cash.
This dependency has put a pressure on our relationship with them and with one another, as my husband and I’ve totally different opinions on find out how to handle the scenario.
I fear that by persevering with to assist them financially, we’re reinforcing this cycle of dependency and stopping them from studying vital life expertise and monetary accountability. But the concept of withdrawing assist makes me really feel responsible, as if we’re abandoning them throughout a time when it’s exhausting to search out secure employment.
How can we method this case in a means that encourages them to turn out to be self-reliant whereas nonetheless displaying them love and assist?
— Dependent Adults
DEAR DEPENDENT ADULTS: You already know that you’ve achieved your sons a disservice by all the time paying their dwelling bills. It’s by no means too late to make a change.
You’ll be able to present them your love in one other means by telling them the chilly, exhausting reality: You’ll not dwell eternally, and you can’t deal with them eternally. They should turn out to be unbiased males who’re able to caring for themselves and constructing their very own lives.
Don’t lower them off instantly, however give them a timeline to safe employment and discover a place of their very own to dwell.
They should be pushed. They won’t like this and will turn out to be bitter at first, however they should assume accountability for themselves.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
