DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and his girlfriend continuously bicker, and I at all times find yourself being dragged into the center of their arguments.
It’s irritating as a result of I really feel like I’m being pressured to choose sides after I don’t even need to be concerned in any respect.
To make issues worse, I can’t assist however really feel unhealthy for his girlfriend as a result of, frankly, my roommate is fallacious more often than not. He’s egocentric, dismissive of her emotions and stingy on the subject of sharing bills or treating her to a pleasant date.
I can inform she’s sad with how he treats her, however for some motive, she stays with him.
The opposite day, my roommate got here to me asking for recommendation about their relationship, and I felt conflicted. On one hand, I need to be trustworthy with him and inform him he’s the issue, however I additionally don’t need to destroy our friendship by being too blunt.
I’ve at all times tried to remain impartial, and I made a rule for myself to not give individuals recommendation about their relationships as a result of it by no means ends nicely, however now I really feel trapped as a result of I do know he’s within the fallacious. I really feel unhealthy enabling his habits by saying nothing.
Ought to I keep out of it and abide by my rule, or ought to I inform him the reality, even when it dangers our friendship?
— Within the Center
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Do your roommate a stable and discuss to him brazenly.
Inform him that you’ve got labored exhausting to remain out of his relationship as it’s none of your corporation, however since he has repeatedly requested you for recommendation, you may have one factor to supply: You consider that he may deal with his girlfriend higher. Your observations are that he could possibly be extra considerate, extra beneficiant and kinder.
He could recognize your candor. He could not have had optimistic function fashions to assist information him towards loving, supportive habits, so your perception could show useful to him.
Tread frivolously, although, and be light. You might be proper to not need to be in the course of his drama.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a university professor, and I’ve seen that considered one of my college students has been struggling considerably in my class.
At first, I believed it would simply be a difficulty with the fabric, however after observing their habits and efficiency, I’ve a robust feeling that it’s tied to elements outdoors of the classroom. This pupil, who was as soon as engaged and constant, has began handing over late assignments, lacking courses and showing distracted when they’re current.
I’ve tried reaching out casually throughout class breaks or after lectures, however they appear reluctant to open up.
I don’t need to pry an excessive amount of or make them uncomfortable, however I really feel answerable for making a supportive atmosphere the place they really feel comfy looking for assist in the event that they want it.
As a professor, I’m not sure how far I ought to go in addressing this. I need to assist, however I additionally don’t need to overstep my boundaries or assume an excessive amount of about their private life.
Ought to I proceed making an attempt to method them, or ought to I step again and allow them to come to me in the event that they’re prepared?
— Pupil in Want
DEAR STUDENT IN NEED: Strive yet another time by inviting the scholar to workplace hours. Ask how issues are going. Categorical that this pupil’s patterns have modified, and also you seen and needed to test in.
Inquire if there may be something you are able to do to help them presently. Supply to hear in the event that they need to discuss. Remind them that your door is at all times open.
Your division head or dean could have extra perception relating to campus providers that may profit this troubled pupil.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
