DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m making an attempt to work on changing into much less bothered by the small issues in life.
I take issues personally, whether or not they’re huge or small, and I allow them to damage my complete day. As an example, if somebody makes a innocent joke at my expense or if I obtain minor criticism at work, I dwell on it for hours, typically even days.
Even after I know deep down that the remark wasn’t meant to be hurtful, I can’t assist however really feel slighted or embarrassed. I replay conversations in my head, questioning if I stated the incorrect factor or if persons are judging me.
It’s exhausting to consistently really feel like I’ve to show myself or learn between the strains of all the pieces folks say.
I like individuals who can brush issues off and never take life so critically, however I don’t know the way to get to that time myself. I wish to be extra easygoing and assured, however regardless of how a lot I inform myself to “let it go,” I nonetheless really feel a knot in my abdomen after I take into consideration sure moments.
How can I cease overanalyzing each little factor, take issues much less personally and begin having fun with life with out feeling so weighed down by my feelings?
— Delicate
DEAR SENSITIVE: A minimum of you recognize that you’re having an excessive response to the way in which folks have interaction with you; that’s a step in the appropriate route.
Now is likely to be the time to rely your blessings. Write down what’s good about you. What are your optimistic qualities? While you obtain compliments, what do folks say? Listen. Even when you assume you don’t get any thanks or reward, I consider you do. Now’s the time to note it. Pump your self up by acknowledging the nice in you.
For something that you have to take to coronary heart and work on, do it. As an alternative of dwelling on an entire checklist of shortcomings, give attention to one factor at a time you can enhance, and proceed to recite your checklist of accomplishments to assist stability out the unfavorable ideas.
Learn the e book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of many agreements is to not take issues personally.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m at present in a relationship with an older man. I’m 24, and he’s 40.
My associates and mother don’t approve, however this particular person has supported me by among the hardest chapters of my life.
A number of years in the past, I used to be sexually assaulted, and it actually uprooted so many issues in my life. I discovered myself feeling damaged and confused, and I wasn’t positive I might heal from it. This man, who didn’t know what I’d been by on the time, showered me with love, care and gentleness, and I started to really feel regular once more.
Presently, we’re lengthy distance, however he plans to maneuver right here. I’m excited, however I can’t assist however fear how he’ll be acquired by my family members.
Is there one thing my family and friends are seeing that I’m blind to?
— Older Man
DEAR OLDER MAN: Generational variations could cause battle over time, however each couple is totally different. In the event you really feel beloved and revered by this man, give the connection an opportunity.
Let your loved ones know that you really want their assist and religion in you. Ask them why they’re so apprehensive, and hearken to their solutions. There’s a good probability that they’re reacting extra to the long-distance facet of the connection than to the age distinction.
In the event you two haven’t but met in particular person (safely, in a public house), it’s vitally necessary that you just achieve this earlier than anybody decides to uproot and transfer to a brand new city.
When you’re at it, it wouldn’t damage to have him meet some members of your internal circle. Get trustworthy reactions from them, and take these to coronary heart as you resolve your subsequent steps.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
