DEAR ABBY: My mother and father have been divorced for nearly 30 years. My father continues to be livid with my mom, and she or he is detached towards him.
My son is about to graduate from highschool, and each grandparents need to attend the ceremony and dinner afterward. Nonetheless, Dad refuses to be in proximity, and even sight line, to my mother. He needs me to plan the day so there isn’t any probability they are going to cross paths — separate automobiles, separate routes, separate seats, separate pictures, separate meals at totally different eating places.
My brother did this when his child graduated, and it was a variety of work.
It’s foolish. They’re 75 years outdated and may have the ability to sit down the row from one another with out throwing a tantrum.
I need to hand out tickets to the ceremony and make one dinner reservation, and anybody who needs to come back and be civil is welcome.
My son is upset with me as a result of his grandfather is guilt-tripping him about us not “making it possible” for him to be on the commencement. Nonetheless, my son isn’t prepared to take over the logistical strategizing for a way my mother and father can enter and depart the constructing with no probability of interacting.
Am I proper that that is foolish? For what it’s price, Mother doesn’t care somehow.
— DAUGHTER WITH A DILEMMA
DEAR DAUGHTER: What your father refuses to acknowledge is that these particular events are NOT all about him and his grudge in opposition to your mom, presumably for having the audacity to go away him.
Since you are unwilling to leap by hoops to accommodate his infantile, demanding habits, inform your father that if he can’t bury the hatchet on this big day and rejoice your son’s achievement, you’ll perceive and omit him from the visitor listing. The selection is his to make — whether or not to rejoice his grandson’s milestone or proceed to feed his grudge.
DEAR ABBY: After his common job, my middle-aged son drives for a ride-sharing firm late into the evening.
He works exhausting as a result of he wants the additional cash to help his spouse (who additionally works exterior the house) and their three youngsters.
I’m not rich, however once I observed his automobile was a really outdated piece of junk with 300,000 miles on it and leaked oil and water, I gave him $25,000 to purchase a brand new one.
I requested him to not inform anybody besides his instant household. As an alternative, he advised his spouse and kids that he had bought the brand new automobile and made no point out of Grandpa (me).
I hoped for a bit of goodwill from my grandchildren (who had been thrilled with the automobile) and possibly even my daughter-in-law. One thing like “Gee, thanks, Grandpa, that was thoughtful and generous of you.”
Was I improper?
— NO THANKS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NO THANKS: In line with many religions, the best type of charity is that which is ANONYMOUS.
Your present to your son got here from the guts, however it shouldn’t have been given anticipating to be thanked by your grandchildren. Your son is secure, due to your generosity, and that in itself needs to be your reward.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
