DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ought to I be “presentable” when sitting out on the again deck of our townhouse?
It is just seen from two of our neighbors’ backyards. One in every of these yards isn’t frequented; the opposite sometimes has somebody seen.
I like to sit down on the deck in my housecoat and sandals. Ought to I be extra totally dressed?
GENTLE READER: A housecoat and sandals sound fairly tame in comparison with the states of undress so usually flaunted in full neighborly view. So long as you’re fairly coated, Miss Manners cares much less about what is definitely masking you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a widowed lady with sufficient cash to dwell on comfortably. Most of my associates are in an identical place, financially.
I’ve many associates, together with many {couples}, with whom I incessantly socialize. Usually meaning dinner collectively at a pleasant restaurant.
Within the seven years since my husband handed, I’ve discovered that the husband in no matter couple I’m eating with usually gives to pay for my dinner. I attempt to politely decline, however a lot of the time he insists.
I admire the kindness, however I resent the implication {that a} lady alone can not afford to pay for her personal meals. Much more vital, although, is the concept that if he pays for me, it turns into an costly outing for his spouse and him, and they are going to be reluctant to attend future dinners in the event that they really feel obligated to pay.
As well as, if I’m with somebody who I believe will attempt to pay, it limits what I can comfortably order, in order to attenuate the expense. It’s virtually like ordering rigorously on a primary date, besides with out the anticipated future advantages.
I’d relatively have their firm than a free meal. How do I politely assist them perceive that?
GENTLE READER: And by anticipated future advantages, Miss Manners goes to presume you imply subsequent dates. Not the factor all of us actually suppose you imply.
The well mannered method to assist your mates perceive the inconvenience and embarrassment they’re inflicting upon you by providing to purchase your dinner can be to reciprocate. Invite them out your self or insist on taking turns.
The best way to phrase it’s, “You have been so generous taking me out in the past. This time it is my turn.”
Not “I’m perfectly capable of paying for myself. When you do it, I can’t have lobster!”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are some well mannered, humble alternate options to “I may be wrong, but …”?
I discover myself more and more defaulting to this phrase when, so far as I can inform, I’m not unsuitable. Normally the context is that one thing appeared off to me, so I went and double-checked and located that, sure, it was off, and the problem then wanted a follow-up.
What are some good alternate options I can use that don’t level the finger at me, particularly for a piece context?
GENTLE READER: “I believe …,” “I could double-check, but …,” or “Unless I’m missing something …”
Whereas pointing a finger at others might be tempting, turning it towards oneself is extra gracious. Notably, Miss Manners would possibly add, within the maybe unlikely occasion that you’re really unsuitable.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
