DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m at a loss: My greatest pal has requested me to officiate her marriage ceremony to a man I can’t stand.
I’m undecided if I ought to inform her the reality or attempt to get out of it one other approach.
GENTLE READER: These are associated, however separate, issues, that are going to require additional inquiry into the rationale on your dislike.
It’s best to actually inform your pal in case your objections include data she doesn’t possess, and which might represent a substantive motive for calling off the marriage — for instance, should you and her fiance are nonetheless legally married.
In case your dislike impacts solely your self, then you definitely would possibly discover a motive that’s much less totally truthful, but in addition much less more likely to dampen your pal’s enthusiasm on the day — maybe that, should you have been officiating, you don’t really feel you’ll be capable to take pleasure in her happiness as a lot as you prefer to.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two months in the past, my mother and father requested if they may stick with my fiancee and me for a number of nights. (They stay in a distinct a part of the nation.)
After checking with my fiancee, we agreed, and my mother and father are coming for a four-night go to.
Final week, my fiancee introduced that her mom and sister, who additionally stay in a distinct a part of the nation, can be passing by city on both finish of a trip. We’ve agreed to host them for one evening, however the different evening overlaps with my mother and father’ go to.
My fiancee needs to supply to host them when my mother and father are right here. I’ve instructed we pay for his or her resort room as an alternative.
There are a number of points at play: For one, my fiancee’s mom stayed with us for over every week within the spring, and my mother and father have by no means visited. And we solely have one visitor mattress, so somebody would want to sleep on an air mattress on the ground.
However what it actually boils all the way down to is that these units of future in-laws have by no means met one another. I feel it could be greatest to introduce everybody over dinner — after which, everybody can retreat to their very own areas — somewhat than being jammed collectively in our smallish home.
Am I being imply and ungenerous?
GENTLE READER: It has occurred to Miss Manners that the genie of legend could have taken to granting needs primarily based on a very literal studying of summoners’ requests solely after millennia of asking, “Is that really what you want?”
She has no perception into whether or not you’re being imply or ungenerous. And he or she thinks lots of the factors you introduce will elevate the temperature in an already-crowded home with out fixing the central query.
The query to be requested is, “Dearest, don’t you think that the best way for our parents to meet for the first time is over a lovely dinner — not fighting for towels in the bathroom?” This can then lead logically to a resort for her family, since their keep is the shorter.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
