DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I disagree on applicable dinner dialog subjects.
I really feel it’s inappropriate to debate somebody’s sickness or medical procedures at dinner. Whether or not eating in or out, I don’t suppose discussing somebody’s bodily well being or medical historical past is conducive to having fun with a high-quality meal.
GENTLE READER: You might inform your spouse that Miss Manners agrees with you — however that she’s going to make an exception to your spouse, and presumably her fellow surgeons, to debate their sufferers to their hearts’ content material over lunch within the hospital cafeteria.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been married to my husband for eight years. Whereas I’m form and conversational together with his mom, he fully ignores mine.
He has by no means referred to as her by her first title, or any acquainted nickname like “Mom.” Once we go to my mom, he walks previous her with out a phrase. He typically cooks for me and the kids throughout a go to, however refuses to cook dinner for my mother. If he goes to the shop, he gained’t ask if she would love him to convey one thing again.
His rudeness is rubbing off on the kids. My 7-year-old daughter even informed my mom, “Dad doesn’t like you.”
I do know why that assertion is true, however I personally really feel like there’s nonetheless no good motive to be socially impolite.
I really feel caught within the center, making excuses like “He’s tired,” or one thing like that. I believe he mustn’t go to my mom with the kids and me anymore. I can’t consider one other resolution.
GENTLE READER: One can’t assist noticing that whilst you know why your husband so dislikes your mom, you don’t share his causes — nor, it appears, do you think about his emotions unjustified.
She did one thing dangerous sufficient that you just perceive his conduct; you merely search a modus vivendi. Miss Manners agrees that holding your husband and mom aside is, unhappy to say, the proper reply.
[The Asking Eric column fielded the same question recently. Here’s what Eric said.]
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be watching a cleaning soap opera and one of many characters, a really correct girl, answered her granddaughter’s query with meals in her mouth.
She did tuck the meals into her cheek, and stored her mouth as closed as attainable.
I really discover that acceptable — extra so than making her granddaughter watch for a response whereas she chewed and swallowed. However I’m curious as to Miss Manners’ opinion.
GENTLE READER: In Miss Manners’ opinion, Frederick Winslow Taylor, the effectivity theorist, was extra entertaining as a topic of derision in “The Pajama Game” than he’s these days — when nobody remembers his title, but everybody believes with non secular certainty that effectivity is extra vital than manners or morals.
No, Miss Manners would like that Grandmama take the handful of seconds to swallow what’s in her mouth earlier than answering. And that the granddaughter would have the respect and endurance to attend.
She herself would have used these seconds within the entertaining pastime of questioning why tv (and movie and theater) actors and administrators spend a lot time studying about lighting and costuming, and so little studying about manners, which she believes are much more central to portraying a convincing character.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
