DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve all the time been the particular person to plan enjoyable occasions for my associates.
In retirement, my husband and I’ve moved to a golf neighborhood in a brand new state, and I’ve continued to arrange outings — from just some associates out for lunch to giant vacation outings for girls solely. (My husband isn’t properly and doesn’t care to socialize, so I don’t plan {couples} occasions.)
Some ladies are all the time comfortable to attend, however by no means reciprocate. I’m considering of not inviting these ladies, and marvel what I ought to say in the event that they ask why they weren’t invited.
Years in the past, a good friend remarked that I hadn’t referred to as her to do something that winter, and I replied, “The phone works both ways.” Apparently, that was too harsh. Any extra delicate replies?
GENTLE READER: For that years-ago remark: “I assumed since I hadn’t heard from you that you were busy this season.”
As on your present scenario, omitting these ladies from future outings appears cheap to Miss Manners.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a protracted prepare journey to work every day, and I all the time gravitate in direction of the “quiet carriage.” However invariably, there are some passengers who consider the foundations haven’t any utility to them.
They consider that they, for no blindingly apparent motive, sit above and outdoors the foundations. They keep it up loud, pointless conversations as if nobody can hear them. There are others who eat loudly, and nonetheless others who’ve but to be launched to the standard tissue or handkerchief.
And don’t even get me began on all these filthy coughers, who clearly realized nothing from the pandemic.
What can I say to those completely shameless rule-breakers? I wish to implement the foundations and fundamental requirements.
And earlier than you counsel it: Sure, I’ve noise-canceling headphones. They assist, however don’t absolutely take away the countless sniffing, hacking and speaking.
GENTLE READER: A well mannered, whispered, “Excuse me, but I believe this is the quiet car” or some extent to the signal — and even asking the ticket taker to assist, if one occurs to stroll by — are acceptable methods to deal with loud speaking.
However for many who sniff or cough, Miss Manners can solely counsel you provide them a tissue — and a few sympathy for the truth that they’re most likely not doing this solely to bother you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve an outdated and really pricey good friend. We now have recognized one another for over 40 years, and though we dwell 1000’s of miles aside, we get collectively a few occasions a yr.
My good friend is extraordinarily rich, whereas I’m middle-class. She has despatched me an enormous test to assist me out with a few of my household’s difficulties. How do I respectfully return this?
GENTLE READER: “You are such a dear to offer to help out, but I cannot accept your money. I will, however, continue to depend upon you for emotional support, if I may. In fact, let us plan our next get-together. It would cheer me immensely.”
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
