DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a hard time with my best friend lately.
It seems that every time I complain about something or someone, no matter how minor or insignificant the issue may be, she takes it way too seriously and makes me feel like I’m a coward for not reacting in the way she would.
I love my friend dearly and value her opinion, but her reaction to my complaints has become overwhelming. I feel like I can’t talk to her about anything anymore without feeling judged.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate her support and concern, but sometimes I just want to vent without feeling like I’m not being aggressive enough.
I don’t know if I should keep her in the dark about my complaints, or if I should just accept this part of her personality. What should I do?
— Judgmental Friend
DEAR JUDGMENTAL FRIEND: My big question to you is why you call this person your best friend. Is that because of the past? In the present, it sounds like she is more of a disconnected friend who is not listening to you or being sensitive to your concerns, thoughts or ways of looking at the world.
Sit down and talk to her. Express your concerns about the way she reacts to whatever you have to say. Tell her that you are disappointed that she no longer seems to listen to you and is quick to pass judgment over anything you say or do that doesn’t match her thoughts. See if you two can talk it out. Listen to hear if she finds your complaints exhausting or if she truly is overreacting.
Based on your conversation, decide if you want to continue to share your sensitive thoughts with her, or if there is a place where you need to draw the line.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I may have an opportunity to go to Israel for a leadership trip within the next year, but I don’t know if I should go because of the controversial issues happening between Palestine and Israel.
I don’t want to pass up this opportunity to travel abroad; what’s more, I have learned about cities like Jerusalem and Nazareth my entire life via the Bible and would love to get an opportunity to see all the holy cities I’ve read about.
This trip happens annually, and the last one took place during spring break. One of the students who participated noted that visiting Israel was life-changing, and it was amazing to see all of the cities where Jesus walked.
I really have to think about how this trip aligns with my values and beliefs. What are your opinions on whether I should attend the trip to Israel?
— Trip of a Lifetime
DEAR TRIP OF A LIFETIME: Talk to the trip organizers about your concerns. You are surely not the first one to have them.
Find out what precautions they have in place for the safety of their wards. I have spoken to many people who have gone on similar trips who have felt safe even when they could sometimes hear explosions off in the distance. Sadly, you might be less safe right here in the United States in many areas.
I do not mean to make light of the danger at all, but I know that these trips tend to be organized carefully to make it possible for visitors to see the area, including holy sites, and learn about the culture.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘀, 𝗖𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 & 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘆: www.mercurynews.com
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