DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Chad,” and I’ve been collectively for 10 years.
We’ve no kids collectively, however we’ve got been stepparents to one another’s kids for the reason that starting of our relationship.
Since we’ve got been collectively, we’ve got needed to cope with his relentless ex-wife, who’s had a number of relationships. We’ve additionally handled my ex-husband transferring out of the state and away from our daughter. To say the least, we’ve put ourselves on the again burner coping with youngsters and exes.
We’ve additionally had well being issues leading to surgical procedures for Chad, me and my daughter.
He has requested me to marry him solely when he’s popping out of surgical procedure — as soon as as he was popping out of anesthesia within the restoration room and one other time simply after we received house from one other surgical procedure.
Am I mistaken for not taking the “post-surgery proposals” significantly?
We’ve not too long ago grow to be grandparents, and I don’t need to damage him by saying no however I really feel like I would like a very lucid proposal.
— WANTS IT FOR REAL IN UTAH
DEAR WANTS IT: You and Chad have 10 years invested on this relationship. If you want to be married to him, discuss with him and ask if he remembers proposing to you, which he has performed twice.
Inform him you possibly can not in good conscience maintain him to a proposal that was made whereas he was beneath the affect of anesthesia or ache killers, however you’d be open to it if he requested within the sober gentle of day. Then cross your fingers.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been pondering loads recently about my old flame. The ideas come and go, which I do know is regular.
Per week or so in the past, I stumbled upon her LinkedIn account, noticed her profile image and couldn’t assist however reminisce about all the nice occasions we had collectively 15 years in the past. I’m 35 now and have been in a relationship for seven years. She has been married for 10.
I’m not trying to rekindle a relationship. I simply really feel there was by no means official closure to our relationship, and I think it has at all times affected my subsequent relationships.
I really like my girlfriend and really feel responsible for feeling this manner. I understand how it will have an effect on us if I had been to deliver it up, which is why I’m undecided methods to proceed.
Will the sensation move? Will I at all times really feel this manner? Will I at all times look again at that old flame and assume she was the one I used to be meant to be with, and if one factor didn’t go the best way it did, would I be?
Ought to I attain out and attempt to ask for closure?
— REMINISCING IN VIRGINIA
DEAR REMINISCING: I don’t assume so.
You and this girl have each moved on along with your lives. I see nothing optimistic to be gained by reaching again at this level, significantly since you realize it might negatively have an effect on your present relationship. Enable the previous to stay previously and let it go.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
