DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once I was in faculty, a buddy’s household graciously opened their house to me for a few months whereas I labored a summer time job close to their house, which was an hour from my household’s.
I did my greatest to deal with their house as respectfully as my mother and father’ house, and on the finish of summer time, I gave them what I may afford out of my earnings for his or her kindness.
Throughout one night meal, I used to be having fun with some backyard tomatoes that the girl of the home had offered. She interrupted the meal — loudly, however with a smile meant to melt the blow — saying, “Uh-oh! Looks like somebody wasn’t taught to eat their tomatoes with a fork and knife!”
I used to be momentarily confused, as a result of I had certainly not been taught this, nor did I do know it was anticipated. I instantly complied, and have eaten tomatoes correctly ever since. I do know that her path was right, and I realized a precious etiquette lesson.
I simply think about that, previous to that night, she should have endured my boorish manners with horror, and dealt with it as greatest she may. Hopefully, she at the least knew by my expression that I acted from ignorance somewhat than inconsideration.
As a result of I worth that life lesson, but additionally bear in mind the embarrassment, how ought to I deal with it if one thing related happens with my kids’s mates?
GENTLE READER: Helpful although the lesson could have proved, Miss Manners reminds you that correcting one other individual’s manners is, as a rule, impolite.
Your buddy’s mom was availing herself of the exception for folks and people performing of their place. However making use of it to somebody of faculty age was a stretch — and doing it in entrance of the household was not almost as gracious as you now characterize it to be.
Higher to provide any instruction later, in non-public, and to restrict your self to transgressions of main import and to ones you’re feeling shall be well-received.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My associate and I prefer to entertain, and we now have the means to take action frequently.
We frequently invite neighbors over, however we omit one particular neighbor (whom we see frequently) as a result of he’s very vocal about his political views. We attempt our greatest to maintain our social occasions lighthearted and enjoyable.
I really feel dangerous that we haven’t invited this neighbor, and I’m certain he notices that he’s neglected.
Is there a technique to inform him that he’d be welcome if he stored his political views to himself? We run into him ceaselessly, and it has turn out to be awkward.
GENTLE READER: Extra awkward than telling him that he’s welcome in your home provided that he can maintain his opinions to himself?
By no means thoughts. Even when Miss Manners had been capable of concoct such a plan, it will not work.
It is best to have the ability to select whom you do — or don’t — like, and with whom you want to socialize. However the possibilities that somebody who’s insensible to the issue would show any extra acceptable had been he to restrict his dialog to nonpolitical matters make this not price pursuing.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
