DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a pleasant, however introverted, particular person. I benefit from the firm of others in very small doses.
After dwelling within the woods for effectively over a decade, I agreed to maneuver to a suburban neighborhood to nurture my husband’s extrovert nature. The homes are very shut collectively, so there isn’t any actual privateness when exterior.
I’m glad to satisfy new individuals and develop friendships, however I want to politely set up boundaries. For instance, I don’t wish to be anticipated to talk with my neighbors over the yard fence. I want to hold that area for myself.
Do you could have any recommendation on how I’ll tactfully set boundaries with out turning individuals off? I don’t wish to say something which will shut doorways for my husband, however I additionally need some area to recharge with out hiding in my basement.
GENTLE READER: Increase the fence, and decrease your gaze when passing it. In case you get caught, look distracted, apologize, and say pleasantly that you’re so sorry you can not cease to speak.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a communication problem with my nieces and nephews, who’re about to be college-age. They’re the children of my associate’s brother.
Their grandmother (my associate’s mom) feeds them a list of our possessions, encouraging them to ask us for these things.
She has urged that the nieces and nephews beg for my jewellery and musical devices — whereas I’m nonetheless utilizing and having fun with them. For instance, the children requested for my jewellery and made it clear they needed gold, so I informed them I solely have costume jewellery and a few plated gold. They stated “Ewww!” and ran again to inform Grandma, “She only has plated gold! Ugghhhh.”
Her son and I are a childless couple, which appears to have invited this “finders-keepers” perspective of hers. She assumes that these things might be accessible to anybody, since we don’t have youngsters. (I’ve siblings, however she doesn’t know them.)
Possibly I ought to inform the children I pawned the devices. Is there a great way to show discretion to teenagers in a scenario like this?
The bigger problem is that they’re too keen to behave on Grandma’s decrease instincts to seize valuables from the less-favored couple and hand sources to the “golden children” of the household.
GENTLE READER: Whether or not Grandma is the scout on these would-be heists strikes Miss Manners as inappropriate. A 17-year-old is sufficiently old to know that demanding that somebody hand over their jewellery is just not one thing well mannered individuals do (besides in watch restore retailers).
Making an attempt to persuade these teenagers that the products are usually not value stealing appears tantamount to giving up. Higher to look barely scandalized on the subsequent request, and say, with a barely patronizing smile, “Well, I’m still playing this guitar; surely you are not looking forward to my death.”
If the grandmother brings it up straight, you may say, “I’m sure you’ll leave them well provided for, so they shouldn’t be told to expect anything from me.”
[The Asking Eric column fielded a similar question. Here’s what Eric told “Glittering Auntie.”]
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
