DEAR HARRIETTE: A detailed buddy of mine wasn’t going to have the ability to make lease this month. She was pressured and didn’t know what to do, so I helped her out and lent her the cash.
I didn’t need her to threat getting evicted or falling additional behind.
Now that a number of weeks have handed, I’m beginning to really feel uneasy. She hasn’t introduced up paying me again, and I haven’t requested as a result of I don’t need to make her really feel uncomfortable.
I do know she’s nonetheless making an attempt to get again on her ft financially. On the identical time, I’m undecided when or whether or not I ought to count on the cash to come back again. If she couldn’t afford lease earlier than, I don’t see how she’ll instantly have further money to repay me on prime of her different bills.
I didn’t set clear phrases after I gave her the cash, which I now understand would possibly’ve been a mistake.
I worth our friendship, however I can’t afford to present away cash with out some kind of plan.
How do I method this with out damaging our relationship or making her really feel like I’m placing strain on her throughout a tough time?
— Payback
DEAR PAYBACK: It’s unrealistic to count on your a refund quickly. Sure, it is best to have established a cost plan earlier than, however right here you might be.
Ask your buddy when and the way she intends to repay this debt, however know that it’s going to not going be within the close to future. That you must be OK with that.
You selected to lend her the cash with out making a plan. It’d even be finest to contemplate the mortgage a present to her and a lesson discovered for you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is such a tough employee! She has an unbelievable story that features studying English as her second language, going to school, struggling to search out work, going again to school whereas pregnant to pursue a extra promising path, graduating and offering for me and my siblings for so long as I can bear in mind.
She is now on her strategy to retirement, and it feels lengthy overdue. She will be able to barely comprise her pleasure!
Not too long ago, my mother obtained some unhealthy information concerning her imaginative and prescient, which is deteriorating. Her temper as of late has completely shifted.
I don’t need this well-deserved relaxation and reclaiming of her personal life to be overshadowed by well being points, however I don’t know what to do to elevate her spirits. I attempt to be current along with her for vital appointments, and I analysis treatments.
Is there the rest I can do to get her positivity again on observe?
— Supermom
DEAR SUPERMOM: Life has a approach of throwing curveballs into the schedule that we create for ourselves. Simply as your mom is on the point of an enormous pivot in her life, she has to face a well being problem. Sure, it appears unfair, however it’s actual.
Be there on your mother. Guarantee her that no matter occurs, you and the household will rally to help her. She will be able to nonetheless look ahead to retirement, however now there may be extra on her plate to deal with than she thought.
Thank goodness she’s going to be capable to retire earlier than a well being setback may make it unimaginable for her to work. Assist her to see the blessings in every second. Simply be current for her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
