DEAR MISS MANNERS: Between my husband and me, every of us married beforehand to different folks, we’ve got 4 youngsters, 11 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren.
We have now been married to one another for nearly 25 years. Six of the grandchildren and all the great-grandchildren have been born throughout our marriage.
I’m particularly near among the grandchildren from his facet of the household. However when I’m with a gaggle of buddies and point out one thing concerning the children, I’m typically requested which ones are my “real” grandchildren.
I discover that query to be extraordinarily impolite, and I reply that we don’t divide up grandchildren.
Is there a greater approach to reply this query? I’ve thought of asking why the individual needs to know, or why it will be important.
GENTLE READER: “They’re all very real, last I checked.”
What you want is a solution that shuts down that line of inquiry, and “Why do you want to know?” is just not it. You’ll solely get a response of “I was just curious,” which nonetheless leaves you in want of a presentable type of “Well, it’s none of your business.”
A fast-witted individual may even provide you with a special purpose for his or her query — say, being intrigued by household resemblances — which might lengthen the inquiry.
If it had been Miss Manners, she would lengthen it another way:
“Let me think,” she would say. “Well, Lily is certainly real. She is finishing college and going on to take a master’s. Kyle is taking a gap year, traveling in Asia, and he is real. Lauren is sort of doing that, too — taking a leave from her law firm while the triplets are babies, all very real. Jessica’s husband can work from home, so she went right back to work after each baby, and she’s realistic enough to make it work. Garvin is going into business for himself, which is scary but thrilling, and nothing if not real. Jordan is teaching high school; you can’t get more real than that. Andre even works for a reality show. Annabel works on AI in ways I don’t understand, but she tells me it’s the coming reality. Madison had a rough time for a while, but she plunged back into reality and is a wonderful mother and community activist.” And so forth.
“But that’s the grandchildren. The children are retired or reaching retirement, and talking about what they really want to do now. And you’re probably wondering about the great-grandchildren! Let’s see: Olga, Oliver and Tommy — he’s named for my Tom — plus Zelda and Sam. Tom and I like to babysit, so we know they’re real, all right. Would you like to see them? I have some videos on my phone …”
And so forth, for so long as doable. Miss Manners can promise you that there is not going to be a shred of curiosity left in these previously nosy questioners.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m planning my seventieth birthday celebration. I’d favor money or present playing cards to different items. Is it OK to ask my invitees for cash, since I don’t want anything?
GENTLE READER: And so they in all probability have cash they don’t want, so they may as effectively give it to you?
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
