DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a breast augmentation surgical procedure 20 years in the past, for causes that I nonetheless assume had been good ones.
I’m not excited by having to justify my option to anybody, and in any case, it’s not one thing I might undo even when I needed to.
I’m now single and relationship. It has occurred greater than as soon as {that a} man sees me undressed for the primary time, detects that I’ve breast implants, then stops all the things to stare at my chest and ask, “Why did you have that done?”
It implies that he disapproves of my selection. I think about this impolite, judgmental and insensitive.
I by no means touch upon different folks’s our bodies or their selections of what to do with them. I actually would by no means really feel entitled to ask somebody about one thing like that, until I used to be explicitly invited to take action.
What is an effective method to reply when requested this intrusive and judgmental query, particularly within the context of sexual intimacy? The occasions this has occurred, I used to be so bowled over and dismayed that I couldn’t consider what to say within the second.
I’ve ended up saying one thing like, “It’s a long story and I don’t really want to talk about it right now” — however I want to additionally convey that I discover the query offensive, body-shaming and hurtful.
GENTLE READER: These are certainly all qualities that you do not need in a possible suitor, a lot much less an imminent lover.
Miss Manners thinks you’ll properly be rid of somebody so fast to criticize you and query your selections, irreversible or in any other case. And making damaging feedback within the throes of ardour isn’t the best way to maintain the state of affairs — which additionally makes it not notably vibrant.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’re older adults who go to mattress sooner than many individuals, and infrequently depart events with out saying goodbye.
We do it as a result of, typically, when one visitors leaves, others take it as an indication that they need to depart as properly! We don’t need to be those inflicting an early exodus from a great social gathering that’s in full swing.
The subsequent morning, we attain out to the hosts to thank them and apologize for slipping out. Are we impolite?
GENTLE READER: Whereas your intentions are variety, the result’s much less so, which you might be little question conscious of, because you at all times appear to search out your self apologizing the following day.
Miss Manners will additional remind you that there’s nonetheless a minimum of a 12-hour hole the place your hosts are questioning, “What happened to the McCutcheons? I hope they are all right.” Or worse, “Did we offend them somehow?”
Miss Manners suggests a compromise. At the start of the social gathering, inform your hosts that you simply hope they may forgive you prematurely, however you have to to slide out early. That approach, there may be little question that you haven’t all of the sudden taken in poor health — or that one in all their different visitors insulted you.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
