DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m at a crossroads with my girlfriend.
In our home, we share lots of our payments. I deal with lease and the automobile fee for our shared automobile, and she or he is meant to deal with utilities.
She has had a historical past of being a bit reckless together with her spending, and I believed that with a number of the payments in her title, it’d assist her to be extra accountable — however I don’t see a distinction. I truly really feel like she thinks of me as a crutch.
For instance, I discovered she doesn’t at all times pay our payments on time, and when she doesn’t, she is going to typically ask me to assist cowl the late charges. I’ve inspired auto-pay, however she doesn’t pay attention.
My girlfriend additionally will get an obscene variety of parking tickets on the automobile, which I’ve been left to pay for, and it’s attending to be an excessive amount of for me. I requested her to cease driving the automobile for a bit till I end paying off the tickets as a result of I don’t wish to get a boot placed on the automobile. She complied, however for a number of days solely.
By the top of the weekend, she went out with the automobile, and the subsequent morning once I went out to stroll our canine, I found that the again of our automobile was completely smashed. I requested her about it, and she or he stated she meant to inform me about it, however she forgot.
The love is there, however I don’t know if I’m reduce out for this. Is it time to maneuver on?
— Irresponsible Girlfriend
DEAR IRRESPONSIBLE GIRLFRIEND: You two want to speak about actuality and the long run. Focus on what you need in a relationship and what’s occurring. Inform her you wish to construct a life together with her, however you can’t be with somebody who’s so irresponsible.
She must get her act collectively and cease making messes so that you can clear up. See if she is going to make a constant effort. If not, reduce your losses.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in my early 40s, and I’m lucky that I’ve not needed to grieve many deaths throughout my grownup life.
A number of months in the past, a lifelong buddy handed away all of the sudden, and it was devastating. Just a few pals despatched me flowers or care packages in condolence. Whereas I used to be touched by their considerate gestures, I couldn’t bear to have these items in my dwelling, as they had been fixed reminders that my buddy is gone.
I took the flowers to a senior middle and the care packages to the meals financial institution. I thanked everybody graciously for his or her presents, commented that they had been beautiful and didn’t point out that I had handed them alongside.
After I informed my father what I had carried out, he informed me it was petty of me to do away with these presents.
Anytime I appeared on the gadgets, I’d begin sobbing. Months later, I nonetheless really feel prefer it was the appropriate alternative for me.
I do know that there shall be extra loss as life goes on, so I ponder: Can I proceed to go alongside condolence presents, or ought to I someway make it identified that condolence presents are usually not for me?
I’m attempting to be delicate to the loving individuals round me, however I do know that such presents will break me down somewhat than carry me up.
— Thanks, However No Thanks
DEAR THANKS, BUT NO THANKS: You don’t want to inform your mates to cease displaying their love. No must make them really feel unhealthy. The best way you dealt with it was excellent. In case your father disapproves, there’s no want to inform him, both.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
