The Hammer wasn’t up for the job.
Armie Hammer has revealed that he as soon as tried his hand at hooking up with a person, however the affair was a flop.
The 38-year-old “Call Me by Your Name” star, who fell from grace after going through allegations of sexual assault, rape and cannibalistic fantasies, shared his confession whereas speaking about bisexuality on the newest episode of his podcast, “Armie HammerTime,” which dropped Sunday,
“I tried hooking up with a dude one time,” Hammer mentioned, including, “it was hilarious.”
The actor made the choice to experiment together with his sexuality as a result of, as he put it, “Gay dudes seem to have it so easy, like, so easy!”
Parroting a cliché narrative about homosexual hookups, Hammer then seemingly performed the position of a homosexual man telling the story of an informal romp.
“I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up and it’s like Grindr, and like someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’” Hammer mentioned, apparently in character. “And you’re like, ‘Hey, guys, I’ll be back in five minutes.’”
Hammer’s notion of homosexual intercourse as being simply accessible and with no strings connected led him to suppose, “You know what? I’m going to give this a try.”
“Like, maybe this actually works,” he continued.
Recalling his ill-fated same-sex assignation, Hammer mentioned, “I met this dude. Handsome. French. You know? The whole thing. I was like, ‘Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let’s try this.’”
However the man’s facial hair and bodily measurement turned out to be non-starters for him.
“I remember I started making out with him, and I just remember being like, God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave!” the “Lone Ranger” star added. “Like, this thing is f–king rough. Like, how do I get in there?”
He went on, “I remember I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He’s so big! He’s almost my height. Like, this is so strange.’”
“It did physically for me absolutely nothing,” he mentioned. “Nothing, like, not even a twitch.”
The hookup continued to go downhill, as Hammer mentioned that regardless of issues “getting hotter and heavier,” he was “going through the motions and like not feeling anything.”
The actor additionally mentioned the person he was with “reached for my d–k,” which prompted him to reply, “You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. Like, this is not going to happen.”
“I was like, you know what? I got to stop us here,” he mentioned, capping off the story.
Hammer was shunned from Hollywood over the allegations of assault, rape and fantasies of cannibalism that started to floor in 2021.
Two ladies Hammer allegedly had affairs with whereas married to ex-wife Elizabeth Chambers had been later interviewed for the documentary “House of Hammer” and claimed the star despatched them messages describing his cannibalistic fantasies.
The Los Angeles District Lawyer’s Workplace subsequently investigated for attainable sexual assault.
Hammer, who persistently denied all allegations of sexual assault and rape, was finally not charged, because the LA District Lawyer determined there was not enough proof in opposition to him to help a trial.
Hammer detailed his podcast’s mission assertion on his Instagram, saying he goals to host “long-form, interesting conversations with people who have tools or skills or have acquired wisdom… that I don’t know [and] I want to learn.”
