DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m 70 years outdated, and have had a cordial, if not shut, relationship with my 58-year-old brother all our lives.
Not too long ago he texted me a screenshot of a map of my neighborhood. I texted again, “Huh?”
He answered, “I’m across the street from your building.”
I mentioned, “I didn’t know you were in town.”
He answered, “I’m here for Caroline’s wedding” (his daughter).
I used to be a bit bowled over, as I knew nothing about it, nor had I been invited. However I figured it was a small, immediate-family-only affair, and determined the great factor to do can be to ship a present. I went on-line to see if she had a bridal registry.
Properly, it turned out that she had a marriage web site, which described the lavish affair intimately: a bridal celebration of 24 bridesmaids and groomsmen, to be held at an upscale resort just a few blocks from my residence.
I used to be shocked. I texted my brother, “If you’re in town and can’t or don’t want to see me, that’s OK. And if you can’t or don’t want to invite me to your daughter’s wedding, that’s OK too. We’re not especially close, and my expectations are minimal. But why not be discreet about it and say nothing? Why bring it to my attention by text? It’s thoughtless at best, cruel at worst. Nonetheless, I hope the wedding is joyous, the bride radiant and her father proud.”
Inside minutes, he texted again, “You’re right. We’re not close, and it’s thoughtless of you to dump your hurt feelings on me just before I’m supposed to give my daughter away in matrimony. Tasteless, too.”
We’ve not communicated since.
There’s lots to unpack right here, however my query is straightforward: How, if in any respect, ought to I’ve replied to the relatively clumsily delivered information that I used to be not invited?
GENTLE READER: There may be certainly lots to unpack right here. Miss Manners’ choice would have been to depart all that soiled laundry zipped up and put away — since that’s the place you ended up anyway.
“Please give Caroline my best wishes” would have sufficed — its brevity chilly sufficient to match the circumstances, however the sentiment faultlessly gracious. And it will suffice now.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sharing tales, anecdotes or information in dialog, I normally cite my supply. For instance, I would say, “I recently read an op-ed in (newspaper) by (author) where they said …”
However in my try to provide credit score the place credit score is due, I really feel that I’m coming off as elitist and/or condescending.
What’s your opinion on when it’s acceptable to quote a supply in dialog?
GENTLE READER: Within the present local weather, “I read it somewhere …” tends to be code for, “Someone made up something with which I agree, so it must be true.”
Miss Manners commends you, due to this fact, in your skill to quote and recall a good supply. Whereas stating it explicitly could come off sounding a bit tutorial in informal dialog, she’s going to gladly let it move as a substitute of the choice.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
