DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a co-worker who’s older than me by about 20 years. We each work remotely. Whereas we work collectively on tasks, we report back to completely different bosses.
After I inform her I’ve completed a activity or venture, she is going to reply with “Good girl,” as if I’m her pet or youngster. She does this by way of e-mail, in immediate messages and verbally over the cellphone. It’s infuriating and demeaning.
What could be an appropriate response to her? Up thus far, I’ve simply ignored it and moved on, however I actually wish to say one thing to make her understand it’s terrible to say that to a grown girl.
GENTLE READER: “I’m sure you mean it kindly, and I’m delighted that you appreciate my work. But this is my job, and when you say ‘Good girl,’ it makes me feel as though I am doing you a favor. Or that I am a pet instead of a colleague.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I made a severe error when talking to somebody with most cancers by referring to folks not recognized with the illness as “normal” — as in, “Can normal people get periodically scanned?”
I shortly corrected myself, however I nonetheless agonize over it, two weeks later. I don’t know what I used to be considering and I’m so embarrassed.
It is a informal acquaintance, and we have now free plans to get collectively for lunch. How ought to I deal with this, if in any respect?
GENTLE READER: Make these free plans agency. Then assess the harm at lunch.
In case your good friend appears chilly or distant, Miss Manners suggests you cautiously deliver up the incident and apologize. But when she seems to have forgotten about it, let it go. You should have realized a lesson for subsequent time.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Individuals usually ask if I’m an artist. I feel it’s due to the offbeat manner that I costume: no paint spatters, however outsized glasses, angled haircuts, quirky footwear, and many others.
It looks as if a manner of commenting on my look, and I feel it’s meant to be complimentary. However after I merely say “No,” there’s a clumsy silence that follows.
I don’t wish to volunteer what my precise career is; that invitations numerous different questions, and I don’t suppose they’re actually excited by my job. I don’t essentially wish to interact in an entire dialog, however I don’t wish to come throughout as impolite, both.
What could be a well mannered and pleasant response?
GENTLE READER: Not often one to hunt out offense the place none is meant, even Miss Manners wonders why these strangers really feel the necessity to label your look. And the awkward pause afterwards is betraying any honorable intentions they could have had.
Miss Manners suggests you allow them to dwell within the silence a bit to attract consideration to it, adopted by, “I just like to wear fun things.” That they don’t will solely be implied.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
