DEAR MISS MANNERS: I stay in downtown Houston and frequently stroll via the underground community of tunnels to flee the warmth between appointments.
More often than not, I discover folks comply with normal visitors guidelines: strolling on the fitting facet, e.g.
Nonetheless, I typically see teams of businesspeople strolling shoulder-to-shoulder, as in the event that they’re off to see the Wizard of Oz. It’s harking back to youngsters navigating a college hallway.
The best way these teams block the trail, a collision was inevitable, and it occurred just lately. A girl clipped my shoulder, then loudly exclaimed, “Excuse you! Can’t you see we’re walking here?!”
Her total group turned to have a look at me, as if I used to be at fault for merely present in “their” world. Not understanding what else to say, I replied, “The tunnels are for everyone,” earlier than strolling away to my subsequent appointment. As I left, I heard the lady yell, “RUDE!”
What do you advocate I ought to have stated or accomplished in that state of affairs?
GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid there was just no way through.”
Miss Manners suggests you omit, “… and I need to see the Wizard,” nevertheless tempting it might be.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take part in an everyday on-line train class, during which all of the purchasers are veterans — and largely males. I’m often the one girl within the group.
Individuals usually signal on a number of minutes early to chitchat, and the host (a girl) greets everybody as she sees them.
My irritation is that she greets all the lads as “Mr.,” and me by my first identify. Everybody’s display names embody each first and final names, and none are notably troublesome to pronounce, so I don’t perceive the distinction in addressing us. The individuals are all older than she is, so it isn’t a matter of exhibiting respect for elders.
I can think about a number of potential causes for this:
— She feels extra chummy with me, as the one different girl current.
— She is unconsciously extra respectful of the lads.
— I’m not seen as a peer of the opposite veterans as a result of I’m “only” a girl (one thing encountered fairly a bit on lively responsibility, sadly).
— There may be some unconscious self-distancing at play when speaking to males vs. ladies.
She could not understand this may be off-putting, and may recognize being instructed.
Ought to I electronic mail her to let her know? Ought to I alter my display identify to “Miss So-and-so” — or much more snarkily, “Sergeant So-and-so” — as a not-so-subtle trace?
I’m conflicted about even asking this. Satirically, one in every of my joys after retiring was to lastly be referred to as by my first identify once more.
GENTLE READER: Ironic certainly. Miss Manners suggests a non-snarky motive that’s not in your checklist: that this girl could not know which honorific you employ (Miss, Ms. or Mrs.) and is afraid to guess.
Itemizing your most well-liked honorific, or your rank, as your display identify will surely make the purpose. If she asks you about it or appears stunned, chances are you’ll helpfully say, “I just noticed that you prefer to call people by their last names, so I wanted to alert you to mine.”
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
