DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an lively member at my church. I attend usually and know a lot of the congregation.
I’m at all times serving to out by giving as a lot as I can, every time I can. If I’m being sincere, I generally is a little bit of a yes-man relating to church affairs.
Considered one of my identified ministries is providing rides to church members who don’t have correct transportation. I drive for a dwelling, so the church is joyful to have me for subject journeys, home visits, and so on.
Lately, an older girl on the church organized a bunch of individuals to go to a sick member who lives about an hour away. She contacted 5 to seven folks, instructed them a date and time, and so they all agreed.
She didn’t ask me about my availability, and I don’t have a ton of spare time to make journeys like this. When she lastly requested me, I instructed her I couldn’t as a result of I had plans already.
Now she is looking my spouse, our pastor and different church members saying “shame on me” form of issues.
I’m at all times at everybody’s disposal, however I notice that perhaps I’ve spoiled them. Ought to I tackle this with the church?
— The Driver
DEAR THE DRIVER: Sure. Converse to the pastor first, and share your concern about this girl’s response to your unavailability.
With out being defensive, level out your long-term dedication to serve in some ways, together with driving — however your schedule have to be thought of.
Clarify that you just really feel harm by this girl’s conduct and misunderstood in consequence by the church. Ask the pastor to say one thing in your behalf.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A childhood pal of mine has been in a relationship for greater than 5 years now.
He and his associate stay collectively and share a automobile, and he covers a few of her bills, and so on. They’re absolutely enthralled. However actually, I get the sense that he was by no means actually fulfilled by his alternative. He at all times tells their story as if issues simply form of occurred, not a lot that he selected issues this fashion.
Lately, he despatched me a message saying, “I always told myself if I were ever single again, I would be open to dating you.”
I felt offended, so I responded: “And I presume I’ve just been rotting away on a shelf somewhere in hopes of ‘if you were ever single again’?”
He appeared each tickled and shocked by my response. We haven’t spoken since.
Why would he think about that I used to be mendacity in wait someplace? Why does he suppose his curiosity is so extremely coveted? Am I blowing this out of proportion?
— Making Assumptions
DEAR MAKING ASSUMPTIONS: Your pal’s tone was definitely off-putting and presumptive. It’s comprehensible that you’d have been turned off by what he stated.
However I’ve one other query: Have been you ever considering him? May he have detected any longing in your half that he was responding to?
Even when that have been true, it doesn’t make his couched revelation OK. That’s weak.
So, past your knee-jerk rejection of his remark, take heed. You don’t have to become involved with somebody who feels so extremely of himself that he speaks via that tone to you.
It’s OK to be offended, however don’t stew in it. Hold dwelling your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
