DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been to a number of weddings over the previous couple of years, and I’ve observed a development.
Do the groomsmen don’t have any duties to the bride and groom earlier than, throughout or after the ceremony today?
Aside from giving a fast speech or toast to the comfortable couple, the groomsmen are to not be discovered anyplace. Not serving to the groom, fetching issues, gathering members of the family for that incredible sundown image, holding doorways open, or some other last-minute duties which will come up throughout the festivities.
I discover this odd and unsettling. I’ve discovered myself stepping in to carry the groom’s beverage whereas he’s in candid photos with family and friends, or serving to the bride navigate a slim flower-lined pathway in her lengthy gown. I’ve even helped aged members of the family to their seats.
Aren’t these items the groomsmen needs to be tasked with doing?
GENTLE READER: Do the bridesmaids learn about this?
Miss Manners hears so many unhappy tales from exploited bridesmaids that the place sounds much less like an honor than a type of indentured servitude — however one through which these serving are dunned for bills.
However come to think about it, she by no means hears such complaints from groomsmen. If they aren’t saddled with extreme duties and bills, a lot the higher.
Nevertheless, they symbolize the bridegroom, who ought to instruct them to do minor hostly jobs — together with these you point out, in addition to socializing with any stranded company.
As with bridesmaids, the time to say expectations is earlier than they signal on.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I noticed a theatrical manufacturing that was written by, and starred, a pal of a pal.
This particular person used to reside in our metropolis. Our mutual pal advised we convey their greetings after the present.
My spouse was very reluctant to take action, however I used to be not. The star was extremely comfortable to see us and to obtain our pal’s greetings.
We chatted for a very long time in regards to the manufacturing, joined by different solid members who additionally knew our mutual pal. All of them stated it was a pleasure to see any person from residence.
The manufacturing itself was really fantastic, so it felt nice to have the ability to inform these concerned firsthand how a lot we loved it and what the expertise meant to us. To anybody in an analogous state of affairs, questioning what to do, I say go for it!
GENTLE READER: Your spouse had a case of backstage fright, which is comprehensible. What if she hadn’t appreciated the present?
Backstage etiquette isn’t straightforward. Sincere criticism is impolite, and insincere reward is — nicely, insincere. (It needs to be famous, nonetheless, that insincerity isn’t the key ethical transgression some make it out to be. In lots of instances, it’s preferable to the complete unloading of each thought and feeling, regardless of how dangerous.)
You had been lucky in with the ability to provide trustworthy reward. However how do you have to deal with instances the place the present is so terrible that you just simply can’t choke out variety phrases?
Miss Manners has resorted to “That was something!” or a easy “Wow,” with hand over coronary heart.
One time, with a very egotistical playwright who would have prowled for extra, she obtained away with, “You must be so proud.” Later, somebody who had overheard this stated that Miss Manners was due a Tony Award for delivering that line.
[The letter above may have been prompted by a question to Miss Manners concerning a “famous American actress” in a London play.]
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
