DEAR ABBY: Our son, “Caleb,” and his fiancee, “Lucy,” are getting married subsequent 12 months.
Our final title is uncommon and seems like a grimy phrase when mispronounced, which it usually is. After “a lot of thought,” Caleb has determined to legally take Lucy’s surname after their wedding ceremony. (She and her household are on board.) He didn’t ask his father’s or my permission, however knowledgeable us of his plans.
Caleb is our solely son. We even have a daughter. I help my son’s determination, however his father doesn’t. They now not communicate. My husband can also be upset about future grandchildren carrying on a distinct household title.
Abby, are you aware of any man who has taken his spouse’s surname?
— WANTS PEACE IN THE FAMILY
DEAR WANTS PEACE: You might have considered trying peace, however it isn’t as much as you to unravel this dilemma.
Altering one’s title for the rationale your son said could also be uncommon, however it isn’t unparalleled. Some {couples} determine to mix their names, as one former mayor of Los Angeles did.
Whereas your husband could also be disillusioned concerning the path your son has chosen, the choice isn’t his to make.
DEAR ABBY: A detailed buddy — whom I’ve been urging for years to save lots of for a wet day — is now dealing with a really actual storm.
She was identified with breast most cancers and is present process remedy. Understanding her monetary state of affairs — dwelling paycheck to paycheck regardless of her and her husband’s high-paying jobs — I felt compelled to assist by organising a GoFundMe.
I’ve been managing updates on her journey, however the reality is, she has at all times been impulsive with cash — spending bonus checks on playing, cruises, fancy eating places and holidays slightly than constructing a security web.
Now, with this analysis, her previous spending habits are coming again to hang-out her. Many family and friends, understanding her historical past, are reluctant to donate.
It’s heartbreaking to see her wrestle, however despite her sickness, she nonetheless indulges in these costly habits regardless of needing to save lots of each penny. I’ve tried speaking to her, however she’s in a fragile state bodily and emotionally.
I really feel conflicted. On one hand, I need to help her by this troublesome time; on the opposite, I can’t condone her continued spending.
I’m now planning to distance myself from the GoFundMe, as a result of it feels dishonest to beg for donations for somebody who gained’t prioritize her personal monetary restoration.
What do you suppose, Abby? How do I steadiness my friendship with my ethical compass?
— SYMPATHIZING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SYMPATHIZING: I believe it is best to separate your self from the GoFundMe undertaking you began.
As a great buddy, you possibly can proceed supporting this lady emotionally, however you aren’t required to advertise her getting cash. If a recipient makes use of donated funds for a function apart from what they’re supposed, it might be thought-about fraud.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
