DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve an assistant who works remotely. I not too long ago found out that she takes private breaks each time I’m at an appointment or in any other case not at my desk.
After I referred to as her on this, she admitted that she makes use of the time to look after her younger little one.
I defined that we work on the honour system. I anticipate her to work throughout working hours. She could typically have to are likely to her little one, but it surely can’t imply hours through the day.
I really feel like she is taking me with no consideration. How do I get her to recommit to the schedule?
— Slacker
DEAR SLACKER: Inform her you’re feeling that belief has been damaged by her since she is just not working when she ought to. Let her know that you just want her to rebuild that belief by doing her work on time and being current throughout all working hours.
That doesn’t imply she will’t sometimes look after her little one, but it surely doesn’t work for her to be main care supplier and full-time worker.
Give her a timeline to work out her schedule. If she can’t achieve this successfully, change her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been an aunt since I used to be 9 years outdated. I’m 29 now, the youngest of 5 sisters and an aunt to 11 nieces and nephews.
For so long as I can bear in mind, I’ve been the default babysitter.
I stay at house with my mother, which appears to be a chief location for all of my sisters once they want parental reduction. Typically they present up unannounced or with quick discover and easily inform me they want somebody to observe their kids for a couple of hours — or typically in a single day.
I believe as a result of I don’t at the moment have a accomplice or kids, they assume I’m at all times house or accessible.
If I inform them in any other case, they ask if my social engagements are as essential as my nieces or nephews. I don’t like that they at all times anticipate me to cancel plans at their behest, however I’m not allowed to anticipate them to plan forward.
Currently, I’ve been saying “no” extra typically. Even when I’m free, I’d want to be alone.
I’ve observed that typically they plan outings with out me and say, “We thought you wanted to be alone.”
I’ve tried explaining to them, for years now, that each one my free time being devoted to little one care is overwhelming — particularly when I’m not but an precise mom — however they inform me I’m insensitive and say I’ll perceive how they really feel when my time comes.
I believe this dynamic has pushed me to be defensive with my siblings and never as joyous with my nieces and nephews. I need all these relationships to be extra amicable, and I need my sisters to grasp my boundaries.
How do I get them to see my aspect?
— Drained Auntie
DEAR TIRED AUNTIE: Converse to your siblings. Remind them how a lot you’re keen on them and their kids, however level out that you’ve got your individual life.
Clarify that as a lot as you want to assist them — typically — you don’t admire their assumption that you’re at all times on name to care for his or her kids. Ask them to take a extra respectful method this yr, the place they inquire about your availability and schedule little one care forward of time fairly than treating you want their on-call sitter.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You may ship questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
