DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now we have mates who appear to suppose each little milestone must be celebrated like a small wedding ceremony.
They maintain celebrations and fix a want record, generally with a whole lot of reward concepts, to each invitation. Birthday events, gender-reveal events, child showers (for each little one, usually asking for a field of diapers in addition to a present), housewarming events … it’s endless.
Ought to I point out {that a} thank-you card is rarely issued? By no means. No “Thank you for coming” phrases are spoken. There isn’t a actual heartfelt appreciation for attendance or presents.
I really feel responsible declining these invites, however on the identical time, I actually imagine these are simply gift-grabbing occasions. I do suppose I’d really feel otherwise if there was some feeling of real appreciation.
I wish to simply decline the invites, nevertheless it has been expressed to me that I ought to let the host know why I’m declining.
GENTLE READER: Certainly, there are individuals who consider life as a collection of gift-grabbing occasions. And there are others who assume that individuals solely marry, go to high school or have kids as a way to accumulate from others.
That’s plenty of nastiness to put on the peculiar milestones of life.
Nevertheless, Miss Manners sadly notes that it does sound as if that’s what your pals are doing. That they’ll handle to maintain sending out their procuring lists, however not any because of the focused consumers, has precisely instructed you their priorities.
Small marvel you don’t want to feed their greed. The one well mannered technique to inform them that’s to refuse their invites, which you may have finished. And they don’t seem to be listening.
Oh, wait: Miss Manners simply considered one other well mannered method.
Presents could also be customary, however they don’t seem to be obligatory. Due to this fact, you may attend the events however select to not add to the warehouse. Ought to your good friend be so crude as to say the omission, you may say, “I am just happy to celebrate with you. And I know you have a lot of stuff.”
Oh, possibly not.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m pregnant, and I’d prefer to host a coed occasion to have a good time it.
Not a child bathe: I don’t need any presents, and I don’t need anybody else to must shoulder the burden of internet hosting. And never a gender-reveal occasion, as a result of I feel they’re a bit of embarrassing and emphasize one thing that isn’t vital to me. In order that’s out, too.
What do I name this occasion?
GENTLE READER: You must title the newborn, however what makes you suppose it’s important to title the occasion?
Miss Manners is aware of the reply. Cooperative dinners and restaurant excursions have taken over peculiar socializing, to the exclusion of just-for-fun events. The exception is milestone celebrations, so you’re feeling you could title one — however as you be aware, these include expectations.
You simply wish to have a nice time with your pals. To that finish, Miss Manners suggests that you just name it “a party.”
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
