DEAR HARRIETTE: Considered one of my pals lately made a remark whereas we have been hanging out and taking a look at footage from earlier this yr. Out of nowhere, she pointed to one of many photographs and mentioned, “It looks like you’ve gained a few pounds since the first day of the year.”
To be trustworthy, she’s not mistaken. This yr has been extraordinarily traumatic for me in ways in which she could not even absolutely perceive. I’ve been juggling so much and, like many individuals, when life will get overwhelming, I’ve discovered it laborious to maintain up with issues like train and meal prepping.
My focus has been on surviving, not essentially thriving, and because of this, I’ve placed on somewhat weight.
What bothers me isn’t the statement itself, however the truth that she felt the necessity to say one thing about it. I wasn’t looking for her opinion or recommendation on my physique, and it felt pointless and even a bit unkind.
Now I’m combating how I ought to carry it as much as her. I believe it’s vital to face up for myself and let her know the way her phrases affected me, particularly since this isn’t the primary time she’s made a comment like this.
What ought to I inform her?
— Delicate
DEAR SENSITIVE: Inform your buddy that you understand you could have gained weight this previous yr. It was a difficult yr for you, and also you didn’t deal with your self as it’s best to.
Add that it damage your emotions when she pointed this out to you. Ask her why she felt the necessity to point out it. Take heed to her reply. She could have genuinely wished to be sure you have observed your weight acquire however couldn’t determine what to say.
We stay in a tradition now that rightfully calls out fat-shaming. I fear, although, that folks now really feel afraid to level out considerations once they discover them. I believe we’d like area for our family members to chime in with a constructive remark from time to time, so long as it’s completed with sensitivity and kindness.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been courting my boyfriend for 2 months now, and whereas I actually get pleasure from spending time with him and really feel like we have now an excellent connection, there’s one concern that’s turning into laborious to disregard: his hygiene.
Particularly, I’ve observed that he usually has robust physique odor.
At first, I assumed it’d simply be an occasional factor, like perhaps he had an extended day at work or forgot to clean up after the fitness center. Nonetheless, as time has gone on, I’ve realized it’s extra of a constant downside.
I don’t know the right way to carry this up with out hurting his emotions. Hygiene might be such a delicate subject, and I don’t need to embarrass him or make him really feel self-conscious. On the identical time, I can’t simply ignore the problem, as a result of it’s beginning to have an effect on how I really feel within the relationship.
I’ve tried refined hints, like mentioning how a lot I like the scent of sure soaps or deodorants, nevertheless it doesn’t appear to be making a distinction.
How do I strategy this dialog in a manner that’s sort and constructive and doesn’t injury his confidence or our relationship?
— Smelly
DEAR STINKY: You simply have to inform him immediately. Say that you simply discover that he generally has robust physique odor and that you simply want him to deal with it as a result of it bothers you.
Ask him to bathe extra, use a unique cleaning soap or discover one other answer.
Quite a lot of individuals determined throughout COVID to cease carrying deodorant for well being causes. If he’s a type of individuals, be sure that he’s conscious that there are protected, pure options and that he wants to start out utilizing them.
Be sort however clear. In any other case, he could by no means get the message.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You’ll be able to ship questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
