DEAR MISS MANNERS: Final summer time, I attended a barbecue with my husband’s co-workers and their households. I used to be launched to a co-worker’s spouse, who was carrying a T-shirt commemorating her shut relative’s premature loss of life a 12 months prior.
My husband had informed me what occurred on the time, and the way devastating it was to her and the remainder of the household.
I’m at all times cautious to specific condolences, however this time I used to be at a loss and ended up saying nothing.
There have been a variety of causes for this: I had by no means met the girl earlier than, for one (I barely even know her husband), and the occasion was an informal and completely happy one, throughout which she and I solely spoke briefly. And whereas I don’t really feel that my husband crossed any strains in telling me what she’d gone by, I feel it will have been odd for a stranger to touch upon her private tragedy out of the blue.
However she was carrying a shirt together with his title and his beginning and loss of life dates on it! Did I do the best factor? Or ought to I’ve briefly talked about her relative and the way sorry I used to be for her loss?
She and her husband are such beautiful individuals; I hope I didn’t drop the ball.
GENTLE READER: T-shirt messages don’t at all times convey instant, obligatory directions.
Miss Manners has seen that declarations akin to “Kiss me, I’m Irish” (or “Italian” or no matter) have largely disappeared, maybe as a result of the wearers discovered they didn’t truly need strangers to conform.
A 12 months after the tragedy, this girl may need simply grabbed the shirt as a result of it was helpful. Commenting on it, or not, was as much as your discretion.
Nonetheless, Miss Manners will take this chance to as soon as once more remind her readers why condolence letters are so vital. Having formally expressed sympathies on the time the tragedy occurred, one can keep away from the awkwardness of bringing it up later in a extra cheerful setting. However as you might be cautious about expressing condolences, Miss Manners assumes that your husband already despatched such a letter.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: At informal eating places and upscale institutions alike, I’m regularly served a big piece of meat perched atop a too-full bowl — say, a big piece of grilled rooster on an overflowing salad bowl, or tennis-ball-sized meatballs perilously balanced on a full bowl of pasta.
What’s a swish option to minimize the featured protein? Do I place it on a bread plate, exposing the chopping course of to my dinner companions? Or do I eat across the meat till the underside of the dish turns into seen?
GENTLE READER: Apply light stress along with your knife and fork to separate the meat into smaller items on high of the remainder of the meal — with out, clearly, inflicting the remainder of the bowl to overflow within the course of.
This methodology has the benefit of guaranteeing that every chunk of protein is accompanied by some salad or pasta, which is often the purpose of the addition within the first place.
But when the duty proves inconceivable, Miss Manners suggests you ask the server for one more plate (the bread plate is often too small), or proactively inquire as as to whether the meat is pre-cut earlier than ordering.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
