DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a well mannered technique to cope with these kin who continually tease you, make enjoyable of you and remind you of the silly, imply belongings you did whenever you had been younger?
Naturally sufficient, I keep away from these kin each time doable. However there are inevitably two or three events yearly when I’m of their presence.
I’ve tried to snicker good-naturedly at these “jokes,” however because the years go by, their barbs appear much less and fewer humorous and extra mean-spirited. I did as soon as confront one among them privately, simply to be informed I used to be “too sensitive.”
Though you possibly can say I really like these individuals, I don’t actually like them anymore, and already I’m dreading the subsequent household perform.
Since I’ve been coping with this for many years now, I suppose I can proceed to snicker and fake it doesn’t trouble me, however I’m questioning if there’s a well mannered, Miss Manners-approved technique to reply.
GENTLE READER: Didn’t being delicate was once a advantage, not a fault? And insensitivity, akin to haranguing others with the identical tiresome criticisms, a fault?
No surprise you don’t like these individuals whom you like.
Miss Manners begs you to cease laughing. Positive, they ought to have the ability to see that your laughter is strained, however they’re insensitive, bear in mind?
As a substitute of laughing, say, “Please give all that a rest. I don’t find it amusing.” This may, after all, convey on that cost of your being “too sensitive,” to which Miss Manners suggests that you simply reply, “Yes, I am sensitive. So please stop.”
And maybe, if there are repeats, “You know you’re stepping on my sensitivity, right?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter remains to be good buddies together with her ex-boyfriend. We by no means met the ex’s dad and mom. For Christmas, they gifted us with plenty of costly candies and candies.
We are not looking for a relationship with them, and receiving the presents was awkward. I wrote them a brief and candy thank-you notice.
Is that this sufficient? I don’t need to be impolite, but when I give them one thing in return, that may open the door to a relationship that we’re not in search of.
GENTLE READER: Are you fairly certain that no one else concerned is hoping for a relationship? Not simply the dad and mom — which appears doubtless, from their method — however their son? And maybe even your daughter?
Miss Manners shouldn’t be suggesting that you should enter right into a mutual trade of presents. Thanking them is, certainly, sufficient. Nonetheless, you would possibly inject a tiny bit of heat into that notice, simply in case.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m at the moment out there for a night tailcoat. Of the a number of I’ve discovered, some have a notched lapel, whereas others have a peaked lapel.
Which is extra correct for a white-tie perform? Which is traditionally appropriate — or are they each acceptable?
GENTLE READER: Peaked lapels.
Miss Manners congratulates you on having been invited to a splendid New 12 months’s Eve get together — or maybe in your new job because the conductor of a symphony orchestra. Or as a headwaiter.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
