DEAR ABBY: I want recommendation a few new relationship.
I’m a 60-year-old man. I divorced final 12 months and met a pleasant girl named Eileen shortly afterward, and issues appeared to be going properly.
When my ex discovered I used to be seeing Eileen (they didn’t know one another) she determined to name Eileen and attempt to trigger points by saying many issues that aren’t true. She succeeded. I now really feel Eileen doesn’t totally belief me although she nonetheless sees me.
I had tried to avoid wasting my marriage however was unsuccessful and was making an attempt to maneuver on and be joyful once more. There was no abuse or something like that, however my ex stated I didn’t fulfill her wants properly sufficient, so she moved on.
I need to have an open and trustworthy relationship with Eileen as a result of I take care of her sufficient that sometime sooner or later, I’ll need to make her my spouse.
How can I earn again the belief that was misplaced and get our relationship again on monitor? Issues have undoubtedly taken an enormous step backward, and I’m upset and saddened.
— NERVOUS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR NERVOUS: You might have executed nothing fallacious and shouldn’t have to “earn back” Eileen’s belief.
Have a face-to-face speak with Eileen. Inform her you care very a lot about her, however since your bitter ex-wife felt the necessity to have a woman-to-woman chat along with her, you sense issues could have modified between you. Ask if that’s true, and whether it is, ask why.
She wants to listen to your aspect of the story to counteract what your ex stated. Nevertheless, if, certainly, she not trusts you, it’s possible you’ll want to seek out one other girl pal.
DEAR ABBY: For greater than a 12 months I’ve been courting essentially the most fantastic man I’ve ever met, and we’re planning to get married.
One of many issues we’ve got bonded over is that we each need a multigenerational family. My boyfriend’s mother and father (who’re of their 70s) have been dwelling with him for the previous two years, and this can proceed for the foreseeable future.
As our marriage ceremony grows nearer, I’m feeling more and more anxious concerning the logistics of dwelling together with his mother and father. I like having minimal possessions, whereas they’re borderline hoarders.
My boyfriend is aware of I’m anxious about it and is keen to speak concerning the state of affairs, however he additionally takes the place that he and his household are a package deal deal.
I really like him, however I don’t assume I can join 20 years of a cluttered home. What ought to I do?
— CONCERNED ABOUT CLUTTER
DEAR CONCERNED: I’m glad your boyfriend is keen to speak about it, however what’s he keen to do about it?
Your life-style and that of his mother and father’ are very completely different. They really feel most safe having all of their possessions round. At their ages, they don’t seem to be more likely to change.
The place to have a fact session could be within the workplace of a licensed household counselor to see if this may be mediated. However frankly, as a result of they’re a package deal deal, as all multigenerational households are, you is perhaps higher off discovering somebody to marry aside from the three of them.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
