DEAR HARRIETTE: This woman at college, “Lina,” needed to create gossip in the neighborhood by spreading false details about my sister being pregnant with out a father.
My sister shouldn’t be pregnant nor does she have a boyfriend. Lina is simply making an attempt to fire up drama as a result of I used to be unable to lend her some cash. It looks like she desires to break my sister’s status and harm our bond.
I really feel pissed off and harm by her actions. I need to confront her, however I’m unsure methods to strategy the scenario. It’s essential to deal with the difficulty with out escalating the battle. I have to discover a solution to shield my sister and set boundaries with Lina.
— Damaging Falsehoods
DEAR DAMAGING FALSEHOODS: It isn’t potential to regulate rumors. Sadly, the extra salacious they’re, the extra shortly they unfold.
Converse on to Lina. Inform her if she doesn’t cease with the lies, you’ll inform your group why she is doing this. She could be embarrassed on your peer group to know that she is lashing out since you wouldn’t lend her cash.
Ask her to cease with the mean-spirited tales about your sister — or else. Be ready to inform the reality to key individuals in your buddy group if that’s the one solution to get her to cease.
DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s this man I’ve been fascinated by for some time now. We now have nice chemistry, and each time we hang around, I discover myself liking him extra.
The issue is, he’s already gone after three of my buddies.
Every time, he’s flirted with one in all them or dated them briefly, and although none of these relationships turned critical, it’s left me feeling conflicted. It makes me really feel embarrassed and sort of silly for nonetheless being fascinated by him, realizing he’s been concerned with my buddies.
I can’t shake the sensation that there’s one thing between us, however on the similar time, I’m nervous about what it says about him — and about me! — if I pursue one thing.
A part of me appears like I ought to simply transfer on and let it go, however then I ponder if I’m overthinking it. I don’t know if I’m placing an excessive amount of weight on the truth that he’s dated my buddies, or if it’s a pink flag I ought to take significantly.
How do I get previous the embarrassment I’m feeling? Ought to I be involved about his previous with my buddies, or ought to I simply focus by myself emotions and see the place issues go?
— Too Shut for Consolation
DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: How shut are you to the buddies he has dated? Appears to me you may ask one in all them what occurred after they dated.
When you really feel snug, reveal that you’ve got favored him for some time and also you need to see if there’s any likelihood for the 2 of you, however you might be apprehensive given that you’ve got observed that he has dated individuals in your buddy group. Sure, you danger not holding your emotions a secret, but it surely may very well be price it to search out out any particulars about how this man behaves when courting others.
Take note of the suggestions you get. When you do determine to pursue him, you may also ask him — when the time is correct — what didn’t work when he dated different ladies you recognize. However that’s for later.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
