OAKLAND – Oakland A’s reliever Trevor May opened up Sunday about the anxiety issues he’s faced this season and at times during his career, saying it’s only recently that he’s been better able to recognize symptoms and deal with his mental health struggles in a more positive fashion.
May, in his first public comments since he going on the injured list for anxiety on April 19, said the decision to step away from the team was a necessary one, both for himself and everyone around him.
“I think I know enough about myself that if I’m feeling a certain way, I’m going to bring it into this clubhouse with me and that’s the last thing,” I want, May said before the A’s beat the Cincinnati Reds in the three-game series finale.
“There’s enough on these guys’ plate. They don’t need me being a storm cloud walking around, and I definitely don’t want to have it at home with me. So, it was just in everyone’s best interest (for me to get away).”
May, 33, signed a one-year, $7 million contract with the A’s in December, making him the team’s highest-paid player this season.
But his start in Oakland has been a struggle.
In eight outings with the A’s, May, usually placed in high-leverage situations, had a 12.00 ERA in 6.0 innings, going 2-3 and with a blown save. He walked nine and allowed 10 hits, and by the time May stepped away, the A’s had a 3-16 record.
“I really wanted to be successful and take care of those games we had a chance to win because, frankly, there wasn’t that many of them at that time anyways,” May said. “I really wanted to make sure I was taking care of the things that we had, and I felt like a major part of the problem, which then just made everything else just way bigger.”
When he was younger and still trying to establish himself as a big-league player, May said he would have internalized how he was feeling, not wanting to show that he was struggling with anxiety.
He’s since discovered that there’s a better way.
“Anxiety is something I’ve struggled with a lot in my life in different ways,” May said. “I’ve realized that a lot of the things that I might have felt in the past that I thought was something else, was actually that.
“Since COVID, I’ve done a lot of introspection and figured out what’s going on a little bit. So a lot of it happened then and the COVID year was the first time that I struggled a little bit at times. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more comfortable with just kind of saying it, just getting it out there, and then taking a beat when I need it.”
When May started to feel like pitching in a game was causing more uneasiness than excitement, he knew it was time to take a break and seek help.
“(Relievers) get up in the morning and the first thought in your head is we’ve got to pitch that night, so our anxiety kind of slowly … it’s almost like anticipation and anxiety together,” May said. “It builds up until that moment you might pitch. The phone rings, it’s either your name or not, and then you either relax or you lock it in and go pitch. Like, that’s our cycle.
“So everyone’s is different. We all have it. There’s a healthy level of it and it’s figuring out what is normal competition and then what is abnormal.”
The lack of team and individual success, plus the issues outside of work, took a toll on May.
“There are other life things that happen outside of the game as well that it’s almost like you always have this stack of things that you’re dealing with,” May said. “And it really depends on where those things are in the stack at times. So sometimes something trivial ends up being the gallon of water that ends up breaking the dam.”
May became the third MLB player this season to step away because of mental health concerns, as Colorado Rockies pitcher Daniel Bard and Detroit Tigers outfielder Austin Meadows also landed on the IL with anxiety.
Bard dealt with anxiety earlier in his career, but the issue crept up again when he pitched in the World Baseball Classic for Team USA. Bard recently returned but Meadows remains on the IL.
“The way Daniel Bard says it is, that thing you’ve been doing for your whole life, when the thought of doing it stops you from taking any action, that’s when you’ve gotten into the ‘Oh, no,’ ” May said. “He was able to feel himself going there in the (WBC). When you feel yourself being there to where, ‘Oh my God tomorrow, it’s not going to be a good day. I can already tell by how I feel right now.’ That’s when you start to feel like I might need to take a little bit of action.”
May has been in the A’s clubhouse since Friday and wants to help where he can. He said he’s in a better place now than he was just over a week ago, but there remains no timeline for him to resume pitching, as he’s eligible to come off the IL on May 4.
“It’s all about perspective,” he said. “If you’re out there and it’s like ‘Oh, here we go again.’ That’s a perfect example of, that’s the slope. That’s you being pushed off the slope, starting to roll down again. But if you’re like, ‘it happens,’ or you’re more accepting and it’s more natural, then you’re in a good place. It’s reframing those thoughts a little bit and doing it on purpose.”
May credited the A’s and manager Mark Kotsay for their support.
“I just want to make sure he’s given the tools, given the resources, working him back into competition and his pace at his comfortability, really,” Kotsay said. “We’re not going to rush him. This is all based on his timeline that he and his resources have talked through and felt comfortable with. I reached out to Trevor and just told him I’m here for him if he needs me and that this team will be here when he’s ready.
“That’s the most important thing, when he’s ready to come back here with a group that is welcoming and supportive.”
“I just miss competing,” May added. “I want to compete and have fun. I want to enjoy myself. I want to show emotion. The thing I love about playing the sport for a living is that ‘me versus you.’ There’s still that fire there for me.”
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