DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you say to somebody who says they have been going to provide you one thing, “but …”?
Two issues which have truly occurred to me:
1. I got here residence and my mother stated, “By the way, are you hungry? I did cook you some dinner, but I ate it.”
2. I met a buddy for lunch and she or he stated, “Did you know I hosted a tea party? I thought about inviting you, but I didn’t.”
In each cases, it could’ve been higher if nothing had been stated. I’d’ve been none the wiser.
In each cases, I stated nothing in response. What would Miss Manners have stated?
GENTLE READER: “I’m thinking about thanking you, but I probably won’t.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m present process chemotherapy remedy. A number of occasions, when requested how I’m feeling, I’ve talked about some negative effects from chemo — solely to be answered with, “Don’t you think that’s just your age?”
These will not be signs that usually occur as folks become older. Why do folks really feel that they’ve to supply an alternate clarification as to why somebody feels unhealthy?
One other time, whereas having lunch with mates, I needed to rise up twice to go to the lavatory. After I returned to the desk the second time, one of many folks requested me, “Do you have a problem?”
Actually! What’s incorrect with folks?
GENTLE READER: No filters, for one factor. Individuals really feel they have to say one thing, even to the extent of monitoring one’s variety of toilet journeys.
However Miss Manners acknowledges that there’s additionally the much less blameworthy impulse to supply consolation — not simply sympathy — when there isn’t any actual consolation to be provided. That’s the reason the are bombarded with novice medical recommendation and bogus silver linings.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some kin and I have been instructed of a child bathe for a distant cousin. No formal invites have been despatched; we have been invited by phrase of mouth and acquired a present registry hyperlink by textual content message.
After that, a few of us acquired an invite by way of textual content, whereas others didn’t.
Nobody within the household actually is aware of the couple, who stay out of state. They won’t even be current on the bathe: We’re instructed they’re attending “virtually.”
When the couple visited our state a number of months in the past, they didn’t have time to fulfill any prolonged members of the family, nor attend one other child bathe in individual at the moment.
We really feel like this bathe is only a cheesy gift-grab. Do now we have to attend? Do now we have to ship a present?
GENTLE READER: Why do you even ask?
Miss Manners finds it curious that people who find themselves presumably inured to scams from strangers are intimidated in terms of social connections, nonetheless tenuous.
Why would you need to give presents to folks you hardly know, and who’ve proven no real interest in realizing you? Are you afraid that in the event you ignore their present calls for, they’ll flip you over to a set company?
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
